Oh, wouldn’t life be great if there were time machines? That way, our failures, mistakes and most cringe-worthy moments could be erased, just like that? I’ve learned SO many lessons throughout my twenty two (almost twenty three AHH) years of life on this earth. I have developed a very positive but realistic way of thinking that anything and everything which has happened to me, good and bad, have found their way as a lesson to be learned. I no longer have resentment toward people or past circumstances because they led me to where I am now… AND I LIKE WHERE I AM NOW. Over compensating much?
Though I like to pretend that my life is perfect and everything is just fine and dandy, there are things I still tend to dwell on here and there. There are things I wish I had done differently, hadn’t done at all, and things I wish I did more of! I’ve been trying to develop a habit of listening more, being curious of peoples lives and what they’ve taken from their experiences. At the end of the day though, it’s sometimes easier to be haunted by your wrong doings in the past than to be gracious to yourself. So here’s a love letter, if you will, to an alternate version of myself acknowledging what advice would’ve been helpful. It’s never too late to follow.
Girl you’ve got a lot to learn. First things first – STOP CARING SO MUCH ABOUT HOW PEOPLE VIEW YOU. You spend so much time striving for unreachable perfection, it cripples you every single day. You’re not in the wrong for wanting to be the best daughter, best friend, best version of yourself, but you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. (sounds like a Bachelor reference) Be the Stella you want to be so you can find freedom in your decisions. Stop caring so much about your weight, just take care of your body. Eat clean, go work out, but if you slip up, IT’S OKAY. No one is going to crucify you the way you do. If they do, GET THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. You’ve been walked all over and treated poorly far enough.
Stick to things more. When life gets tough, see it through. You’ve taken the easy way out so many times before, let’s see what happens if you do the opposite. Discomfort and embarrassment will last way longer knowing you didn’t take the risk than if you just leaped. Do not let comparison run you down. You bring things to the table no one else can so don’t cheat yourself or others to see what amazingness you hold.
Don’t ever let a man pressure you into having sex. If it’s something you want, by all means, have your fun! But if a man ever manipulates you into feeling less than you are because you denied him your body, YOUR TEMPLE (yes, it’s that special), he’s not even close to being a man. If he won’t wait for you, then that’s less time you’ll waste on him.
Give thanks to your family. Treat them right rather than push them away when you’re irritated or going through one of your millions of phases. For as long as they can, they will support and root for you, and family extends further than just blood. Hug them, tell them you love them every chance you get and don’t blow them off for other things you prioritize as better. They won’t be around forever.
It’s ok to demand what you want. And no baby Stella, I’m not talking about throwing a tantrum until someone literally hands you what you want. Stand up for yourself. You have EVERY RIGHT to want something different or something better for yourself. You deserve so much more than to take the back seat and let people push you around. Your intentions are always right so follow the fact you want the best for yourself and the ones you love.
You’re probably going to struggle with anxiety and depression for a long time and it’s easy to feel like you are fucked up and ruined. One of the KEY things that will get you through your anxiety and depression is the people who love and care for you. Do not push them away. If someone offers help, take it. Don’t let pride or embarrassment ruin a chance to guide you out of your self inflicted torture. You are not broken and you’re not alone so stop telling yourself you are. You’re good enough to deserve people’s help, there’s nothing about that that makes you weak. You are so strong and you will get through everything life throws at you. So keep hanging in there. I’m proud of you.