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Advice I Wish I Heard Sooner

April 6, 2018

Oh, wouldn’t life be great if there were time machines? That way, our failures, mistakes and most cringe-worthy moments could be erased, just like that? I’ve learned SO many lessons throughout my twenty two (almost twenty three AHH) years of life on this earth. I have developed a very positive but realistic way of thinking that anything and everything which has happened to me, good and bad, have found their way as a lesson to be learned. I no longer have resentment toward people or past circumstances because they led me to where I am now… AND I LIKE WHERE I AM NOW. Over compensating much?

Though I like to pretend that my life is perfect and everything is just fine and dandy, there are things I still tend to dwell on here and there. There are things I wish I had done differently, hadn’t done at all, and things I wish I did more of! I’ve been trying to develop a habit of listening more, being curious of peoples lives and what they’ve taken from their experiences. At the end of the day though, it’s sometimes easier to be haunted by your wrong doings in the past than to be gracious to yourself. So here’s a love letter, if you will, to an alternate version of myself acknowledging what advice would’ve been helpful. It’s never too late to follow.

Dear Stella,

Girl you’ve got a lot to learn. First things first – STOP CARING SO MUCH ABOUT HOW PEOPLE VIEW YOU. You spend so much time striving for unreachable perfection, it cripples you every single day. You’re not in the wrong for wanting to be the best daughter, best friend, best version of yourself, but you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. (sounds like a Bachelor reference) Be the Stella you want to be so you can find freedom in your decisions. Stop caring so much about your weight, just take care of your body. Eat clean, go work out, but if you slip up, IT’S OKAY. No one is going to crucify you the way you do. If they do, GET THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. You’ve been walked all over and treated poorly far enough.

Stick to things more. When life gets tough, see it through. You’ve taken the easy way out so many times before, let’s see what happens if you do the opposite. Discomfort and embarrassment will last way longer knowing you didn’t take the risk than if you just leaped. Do not let comparison run you down. You bring things to the table no one else can so don’t cheat yourself or others to see what amazingness you hold.

Don’t ever let a man pressure you into having sex. If it’s something you want, by all means, have your fun! But if a man ever manipulates you into feeling less than you are because you denied him your body, YOUR TEMPLE (yes, it’s that special), he’s not even close to being a man. If he won’t wait for you, then that’s less time you’ll waste on him. 

Give thanks to your family. Treat them right rather than push them away when you’re irritated or going through one of your millions of phases. For as long as they can, they will support and root for you, and family extends further than just blood. Hug them, tell them you love them every chance you get and don’t blow them off for other things you prioritize as better. They won’t be around forever.

It’s ok to demand what you want. And no baby Stella, I’m not talking about throwing a tantrum until someone literally hands you what you want. Stand up for yourself. You have EVERY RIGHT to want something different or something better for yourself. You deserve so much more than to take the back seat and let people push you around. Your intentions are always right so follow the fact you want the best for yourself and the ones you love. 

You’re probably going to struggle with anxiety and depression for a long time and it’s easy to feel like you are fucked up and ruined. One of the KEY things that will get you through your anxiety and depression is the people who love and care for you. Do not push them away. If someone offers help, take it. Don’t let pride or embarrassment ruin a chance to guide you out of your self inflicted torture. You are not broken and you’re not alone so stop telling yourself you are. You’re good enough to deserve people’s help, there’s nothing about that that makes you weak. You are so strong and you will get through everything life throws at you. So keep hanging in there. I’m proud of you.

  • Reply
    Jestyne
    April 6, 2018 at 9:45 am

    Loveeee. Thank u for sharing

    • Reply
      Waste
      April 7, 2018 at 6:16 pm

      LOVE THIS STELLA! ALL THE WAY FROM SINGAPORE 😍❤️

    • Reply
      Shane
      April 10, 2018 at 10:24 pm

      Hey Stella,

      Thanks for sharing this. Reading it was very relatable, as I’ve been going through some things in my life now and have just recently realized it because I used to push things aside and ignore it. Now I’m just trying to face it and deal with it the best way I can.

  • Reply
    Tony
    April 6, 2018 at 9:50 am

    😍😍😍

  • Reply
    Mike Vivian
    April 6, 2018 at 9:51 am

    Great stuff! Keep voicing your opinion and advice. This helps a lot of people. Keep working toward what you deserve

    • Reply
      stella
      April 6, 2018 at 10:04 am

      That’s all I can hope for! Will do! Xx

  • Reply
    Miez
    April 6, 2018 at 9:52 am

    Thank you for sharing!!! Especially the last part! Love you Stella, all the waaay from Malaysia 💕💕

  • Reply
    flami
    April 6, 2018 at 9:58 am

    love love love this. you’re so precious. thank you for sharing such wisdom

    • Reply
      Vanessa Macawile
      April 8, 2018 at 3:40 pm

      Dear,Stella you give amazing advice and your so pretty and your a great person I am a big fan of your style and inspration love you always!xoxo

  • Reply
    Olivia
    April 6, 2018 at 9:59 am

    This resonated with me so much. Thanks so much for writing it❤️ You have such a great outlook on life.

  • Reply
    Julia
    April 6, 2018 at 9:59 am

    very inspiring 🙂

  • Reply
    Steph
    April 6, 2018 at 10:00 am

    I just loved this. You’re so strong and amazing for sharing this. I’ll be turning 20 this year & holy sht, my twenties’d be a good time to start loving myself. Thank you for this, keep shining just as now. Love u girl x

    • Reply
      stella
      April 6, 2018 at 10:05 am

      Aww, thank you! Any time is a good time to love yourself! ❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Dani
    April 6, 2018 at 10:00 am

    Hey girlll, I sooo admire you having the strength to put this up despite how personal it is.. This really helps me ❤️xx

  • Reply
    Oumaima Archer
    April 6, 2018 at 10:07 am

    AMAZING keep going 👏❤

  • Reply
    lauren
    April 6, 2018 at 10:12 am

    this is probably my favorite post of yours up till now. and i kind of relate to so many things you struggle with that this is actually so inspiring to know how far i’d be able to come if i keep on believing in myself. thank you as always for being such a genuine person, i really appreciate everything you do for us on here. love x

  • Reply
    Jenna
    April 6, 2018 at 10:12 am

    Amazing mashallah (God bless) this was wonderful motivation💖

  • Reply
    Charles
    April 6, 2018 at 10:23 am

    This was madly needed for me! Thanks for sharing. I will e turning 23 soon and I now stand by the motto Define your life before some one does! Much love to your Cherry!!

  • Reply
    Aimee
    April 6, 2018 at 10:52 am

    Goodness this made me cry such deep leavel we all could take something form your life your advise and make our life better to your such and inspiring write and pod caster great blog ily

  • Reply
    Lyss
    April 6, 2018 at 11:07 am

    Today is my birthday and your post couldn’t have come out on a better day. I really needed to read this right now.

    Thank you Stella 💜

  • Reply
    lindsaymorgan1996
    April 6, 2018 at 11:16 am

    This is something that I truly needed. I relate so much to some of the stuff in this post. Thank you for writing this post.

  • Reply
    Laura Sinisalo
    April 6, 2018 at 11:18 am

    What great thoughts ! I’ve been wandering in this world almost 23 years as well. It is wonderful to realize how we all are unique but still the same. We can’t control the outside but our inside where the truth exists of ourselves. Many times we end up searching happiness through others instead of making the best out of our own lives. Thank you for these encouraging words. It’s a beautiful gift what you shared, stay humble as you are 🙂

  • Reply
    Faye Flor-Butler
    April 6, 2018 at 11:22 am

    Ahhhh!!! you beautiful human being! You’re so worthy of anything in this world. Thank you for posting, it feels good to know that I am not alone. Do whatever your heart truly desires and always thrive in life. You’re so strong! Sending my love from Melbourne, Australia xx

  • Reply
    Diana
    April 6, 2018 at 11:24 am

    Today I posted something on my instastories and I was SO nervous because it was about my mental health. Congrats on putting this out there for the world to see, so brave and kind. Keep killing the blog game girl! 🔥

  • Reply
    Soph
    April 6, 2018 at 11:32 am

    Wow Stella.. i’ve been following you since forever from far away cause I always thought you were cool with your bubbly personnality and the thing is that you are so much more now. You dont know me and you probably shouldnt take my comment as something relevant but Wow.. im so PROUD of you. You have grown into such a powerful and beautiful woman ! For some reasons, this letter just gives me comfort, you put the right words on my wounds. You’re so inspiring. I’m 23 years old, almost 24 and I just came to the realisation that I dont have enough confidence, enough
    Self esteem and enough love for myself. I’ve been through this phase when I tried to find all of these things in the eyes of the world, and all i received was a feeling of being broken, Empty and worthless. Today Im on my way of finding my self, and oh my God.. what a wonderful (crazy and disturbing) adventure. It isnt easy everyday but you know, knowing that someone else goes through this too and is at the end of the day such a strong soul for the universe makes everything better. Thank you for sharing this with us, thank you for being authentic Stella.

    Good vibes from Paris 🙂
    S.

    • Reply
      stella
      April 6, 2018 at 2:41 pm

      This is so kind! Thank you for being so supportive and loyal! Xx

  • Reply
    Avril
    April 6, 2018 at 11:52 am

    I LOVE THIS. It’s everything I and so many other people need to hear from time to time. The things you’ve mentioned are so simple but still, people always forget about them. Keep writing Stella, you rock!

  • Reply
    Linzi
    April 6, 2018 at 11:54 am

    Thank you for sharing, love how you done it in the form of a letter. I can relate to most of those things so was need to hear about someone else going through it. 🙂

  • Reply
    zey
    April 6, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    Stella,this made me cry.You’re such a beautiful human i wish we were friends because i have no friends and also anxiety ruined my life i always think negative but this helped me and made me happy THANK YOU❤

    • Reply
      stella
      April 6, 2018 at 2:41 pm

      You are so sweet. I appreciate the support so much! Xx

  • Reply
    Mary
    April 6, 2018 at 1:54 pm

    awe stella! <3 i love this. been going through a rough day right now and wow, reading this just released this stress weighing down on me the past few hours. I love the part where you expressed about your anxiety and being okay with letting people help you. I've struggled with that for so long and as hard as it is, it really does help. Thank you for your voice. I really appreciate it. <3 so much love

    • Reply
      stella
      April 6, 2018 at 2:40 pm

      Thank you! It makes me so happy that you took something away from this! That’s ultimately what I wanted. 💋 Xx

  • Reply
    Katya
    April 6, 2018 at 2:22 pm

    Very powerful, I can relate!

  • Reply
    BRUCE
    April 6, 2018 at 2:44 pm

    Got Critics? Literally, just DUMP them. It’s not your fault your perfect. FLAWLESS without one blemish..

  • Reply
    Dani
    April 6, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    Thank you so much for this! I really needed this 💖

  • Reply
    Lili
    April 6, 2018 at 5:22 pm

    22 myself and I loved reading this. I put pressure on myself and sometimes struggle to get through a day without overthinking and overstressing everything I’ve done. And it’s reassuring to know that I’m not the only one who goes through these type of things and wonders about do-overs. Hope anyone who hasn’t even read this knows they are strong and worth it.

  • Reply
    Paige
    April 6, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    Love you so much Stella, and I’m so proud of you for staying so grounded through everything. You are seriously the coolest and you’re even more beautiful inside than you are out! 🖤

  • Reply
    Paige
    April 6, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    Also! Would love to see more fashion / beauty stuff. Something I’ve always been obsessed with are your nails! I’d love a post on what you ask for at the nail salon (shape and length) and maybe some of your favorite designs you’ve had?

  • Reply
    Janine Santorelli
    April 6, 2018 at 6:57 pm

    I loved reading this. I wish i could go back in time and look my younger naive self in the face and say “don’t do it janine” or “there’s a better way” this hit every point i would make in a letter to my old self and it was extremely well said.

  • Reply
    Sofia
    April 6, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    Thank you so much

  • Reply
    @anaperalta.c
    April 6, 2018 at 9:55 pm

    This is beautiful. I love reading your posts and getting an insight of just how brilliant your mind is. We have a lot in common. If you ever need anything we are all here for you just like you’ve been here for us with your magnificent words and motives. I love you Stella!

  • Reply
    Tess
    April 6, 2018 at 11:02 pm

    I love this so much!!! Your blog has truly been such an inspiration! xoxo

  • Reply
    Maggie
    April 7, 2018 at 1:07 am

    I am going to turn 20 this year, and i’ve been struggling with self love and self confidence all my love and anxiety doesn’t really help it. I know how hard it is to admit it so thank you for sharing your beautiful mind. Keep doing you, i promise you are so worth it. Love you xx

  • Reply
    Vanessa
    April 7, 2018 at 1:44 am

    Beautiful post. Some of the things you had to say in your letter to yourself, I feel I needed to hear for myself as well. Thank you ❤️

  • Reply
    Chery
    April 7, 2018 at 2:18 am

    Thank you so much for sharing this lovely letter with us .
    It’s means more to me than you think , i’m almost twenty and I hate myself , having depression and anxiety make me feel like I don’t even deserve to live or to love myself . Everyday is a battle , everyday I try to learn something new and be confident about myself it’s hard but I’m trying.
    Reading things made me feel so good and i thank you for this .
    I find you so attractive , you have such a cute smile and a perfect body for me .. I want to look like you not just phisically but mentally too cause you’re so strong , a strong bad-ass women to look for ♥️ I’m proud of Stella too . Thank you thank you 🙏
    Ps : sorry if I made mistakes in my English , I speak French ^^
    Ps 2 : have a good day 💕💕

    • Reply
      Chery
      April 7, 2018 at 2:20 am

      I meant : reading this * not things .. sorry 😐

  • Reply
    Kassie
    April 7, 2018 at 3:00 am

    Absolutely beautiful, thank you for sharing this. This helped me feel better in the situation I’m in right now. Please do a post in regards of what career path you should take when feeling lost and when there’s so much pressure around you like your parents that want you to do something you don’t like.

    • Reply
      stella
      April 8, 2018 at 5:10 pm

      Definitely, I will try to touch that topic soon! Stay tuned! Xx

  • Reply
    εïзPAULY HUDGENSεïз (@NesahudgensFans)
    April 7, 2018 at 6:10 am

    stella this has made me cry … I have touched your words with force I am 23 years old and I experience the same insecurities in my body life it has not been easy for me they made me bullyng and that forged insecurity in me then I met Vanessa in HSM in the 2006 … and my life changed to 100%, then I met you and your family and they are wonderful to see how the hudgens family has influenced my life … they have helped me to be happy just by looking at your sister and you. .. you are part of my life and I consider them more than inspirations are part of my family, my parents are happy when they realize that
    I smile when I see your publications and have them as an example to follow since I was 10 years old. You are so brave to write this. Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. I love you and Vanessa … they are my proud kisses from Chile

  • Reply
    Carlin
    April 7, 2018 at 6:48 am

    This is amazing Stella! Thank you for sharing this with us, this help me with something that is happening in my life right now…. Really Thank you so much 💙💙

  • Reply
    Lucy
    April 7, 2018 at 7:29 am

    Loved it, thank you for sharing! I also suffer from anxiety so it kinda felt like the last paragraph was for me too because I do feel broken as well. Thank you Stella✨

  • Reply
    Ariana Perez
    April 7, 2018 at 8:50 am

    Reading this letter has made my day! I’ve been struggling with depression for the past year and the last paragraph really touched me. Lately I’ve been feeling so low because of college, insecurities, and heartbreak and it’s nice to read inspiring peices of writing like yours. Thank you so much for sharing this. It means a lot ❤️

    • Reply
      stella
      April 8, 2018 at 5:10 pm

      Thank you! Glad I can be of any help! That’s all I want to be able to do! Xx

  • Reply
    breanna
    April 7, 2018 at 12:14 pm

    for sure needed to read this and apply it to myself. thanks for sharing this 💘

  • Reply
    Kawthar
    April 7, 2018 at 12:16 pm

    that was absolutely beautiful!
    i would like to learn how to be that happy and free after all what i put myself through for a long time, i’m happy to see that you’re in a better place no matter what happened before, i will try to learn that if my mind would allow me to, thank you for sharing this to be honest i cried while reading it and i tried to read it as quickly and as strongly as i could so that i can feel like someone real is saying these words to me and not just me searching for them,
    send all my love <3

    • Reply
      stella
      April 8, 2018 at 5:09 pm

      Aww, thank you so much for your kind words! It truly does mean a lot. Xx

  • Reply
    Miles
    April 7, 2018 at 9:07 pm

    needed to read this! thank you for this post <33333

  • Reply
    Char maraj
    April 7, 2018 at 11:09 pm

    Thanks for sharing but none of your embarrassing moments can top mine Sadly I just wanna die at the moment

    • Reply
      stella
      April 8, 2018 at 5:08 pm

      Oh no! It can’t be that bad… right? Xx

  • Reply
    Vanessa Macawile
    April 8, 2018 at 3:51 pm

    Your a wonderful person and you always have great advice your such a good influence for others and I truly admire you a lot I love you Stella!xxx

  • Reply
    Becca
    April 10, 2018 at 4:53 am

    I love you Stella. Even though I’m only half your age, your amazing work always pushes me to be myself and to be the best I can be.
    I really look up to you. <3 Becca

  • Reply
    Marie
    April 14, 2018 at 12:49 am

    Wow you are so strong! I‘m 18 and I hope I can be so strong and positiv in a few years too🙃I deal with all this things you told us about now, but I think I can be stronger and stronger! You speak from my heart and you are an amazing and inspiring woman❤️ Sorry for my Englisch and many greetings from Germany!

  • Reply
    Sheena Sreekeessoon
    April 15, 2018 at 6:39 am

    I love things like this, I feel like I’ve read/heard quite a few ‘letters to my younger self’ and I find it interesting how they all seem to be along the same lines. I’m sure every single one I have been read or heard consists of the first point you mention of ‘stop caring so much of what people think about you’. It’s one that’d definitely be on mine anyway. Funny how these things only occur to us retrospectively.
    Side note, that dress looks stunning on you!

    Sheena
    http://afashionstudentsdiary.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Reply
    jessica (@Jessica_Garmon)
    May 28, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    ❤️

  • Reply
    Samantha
    July 9, 2018 at 8:28 am

    this resonated with me so intensely and I think reading it from your perspective made me realize things that I struggle with subconsciously and don’t allow to surface in order to heal. I really loved this post and i’m so happy that I found your blog. you’re so real and raw on here you’re absolutely killing it I can’t wait to dive into your other posts rn!🌞

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