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Health + Wellness Lifestyle

Stand Your Ground

April 29, 2018

This is a topic I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while and with recent events in my life, I feel it’s wildly appropriate to touch base on now. I’ve struggled with standing up for myself a few times in my life. It’s strange because I absolutely know my worth, I know what I offer up to people and what I expect to be offered up in return, but still I sometimes silence myself than make my truth known. I’m one hundred percent a people pleaser, sometimes to a fault, but I don’t think being that way is always a bad thing! Obviously if you let people walk all over you and never speak up, then you should probably make a few changes, but if you’re putting peoples emotions in consideration and accommodating them, then wanting to please doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

I’ve always been the type to speak my mind and be honest, but sometimes in order to avoid conflict, I’ll stay quiet which over time leads to me carrying so much resentment in. The feeling of resentment drives me sick and can truly be sometimes scary to me. I’ve learned in my twenty two years that honesty… is the best policy… No matter how uncomfy or scary it may be, holding your feelings in leads to resentment, then frustration with yourself or others, then self sabotage and the horrifying list literally goes on and on.

I’ve been speaking to a few friends about this recently and it shocks me how often we as humans decide to put our feelings aside just to avoid conflict. Trust me, I don’t like conflict and confrontation as much as the next woman but I’ve come to notice how detrimental it can be to the relationship with yourself and others if avoided. A few months ago, for example, I was getting my nails done and the woman completely got the color wrong and refused to fix it – stay with me here, I know this is sounding jaded but I swear I’m not so surface… She refused to fix the color so I ended up shutting my mouth and paying the full price PLUS tip (I’m too nice) for something I didn’t even want.

I left that nail salon with nothing but a terrible and ALMOST offensive manicure and a feeling of such confusion and frustration as to why I didn’t just demand what I want… in a nice way, obviously. As women we’ve been told that demanding things makes us bossy and annoying so therefore we have to politely ask and hope for the best. NO!!! Demanding doesn’t have to be a bad action if you’re doing it with decisive instruction and polite manners! I literally started beating myself up about feeling like I didn’t have the courage to stand up for myself for something SO MINUSCULE and ridiculous as a fucking nail color! Like, WHAT!? Even writing about it right now brings up anger again. *best/worst/most confusing part is, I WENT BACK for a manicure a few weeks later*

Basically I’m just trying to urge you to be unapologetic for what you want for yourself, if what you want is fair and you’re approaching it in a kind way. You don’t need to apologize for standing your ground or not settling for anything less than what you want, ESPECIALLY if you’re a woman. Don’t let a power trip get to your head but you have every single right to ask for and receive the things you want. We have far too many people trying to silence women and men of all different ages and color, so let’s not succumb to that absurd and prehistoric way of behavior anymore!

  • Reply
    April 29, 2018 at 2:20 pm

    I completely agree, mine is more of an issue with being fairly compensated at work. The more you let slide, the more some people will take. Fairness goes both ways. Work, friendships, etc.

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    April 29, 2018 at 4:47 pm

    You uploaded this at like the perfect time for me because I am currently so upset with myself because on Thursday I had a situation and did not stood up for myself. And now I can not stop thinking about it. I know now that I need to stand up for me because no one will, of course, politely. But what can I do with what I am feeling about not doing it on Thursday?

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    April 29, 2018 at 5:37 pm

    I absolutely love this! I’m always being way too nice as well and I finally found the encouragement to stand up for myself.

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    April 29, 2018 at 6:31 pm

    It’s so cool you bring this topic up because I’ve felt like that a million times. When I should’ve stood up for myself I didn’t. I also think that it probably has to do with things that happens to you when you’re young that can traumatize you and maybe you think the best way it’s to stay quiet ’cause you’re afraid. It is really hard to stand up and say hey that’s not ok, mostly for women’cause maybe people will treat you like you’re crazy or something, but now that doesn’t have to mattter bc it’s more important to speak up rather than say nothing ’cause that’s the most unhealthy thing you could do to yourself.

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    April 29, 2018 at 11:02 pm

    that right , dont let anyone step on you stand up for yourself its not being a diva you gotta be honest sometime im way too honest lol

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    aimee garcia
    April 29, 2018 at 11:54 pm

    I love you

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    April 30, 2018 at 2:22 am

    Definitely got me thinking

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    April 30, 2018 at 7:14 am

    This is so timely. 😭💔

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    April 30, 2018 at 11:21 am

    crazy how i relate to this so badly, i’ve been fighting a war with myself for being like that and for being quiet and silent all the time but i’m trying to learn and decide what i can do to make changes
    thank you for sharing this, sending love x

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    April 30, 2018 at 11:44 am

    this is why i love you Stella,you always speak truth! I struggle with social anxiety and i really feel so bad i can’t stand up for myself many times 🙁 but this made me feel better.Thank you🌹🌹

  • Reply
    May 5, 2018 at 7:15 am

    Stella shows cleverly that she has “limitations”. Stella also shows that she is a awfully INTELLIGENT person.

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